Revenge Isn’t Always Sweet

When someone purposely inflicts pain on you through their actions or their words our typical defense mechanism is to respond with an equal or greater kind of pain. Wanting to see someone hurt for hurting you is a natural reaction, but we must be very careful about taking revenge into our own hands. There is always a cost and/or loss associated with revenge that may be too big of a price to pay.

We are products of our upbringing, whether good or bad. Often times we have had to endure traumas from our childhood through no fault of our own and until we learn to address the source of our traumas in a healthy way, we will often manifest that same hurt and trauma in our adult lives. The saying “hurt people, hurt people” is very true.

When I was 5 years old, a male family member touched me in an inappropriate way. This happened to me again when I was 8 years old only this time it was female neighbor. I was too young to process my feelings about it, but I knew it wasn’t right because it was done when nobody was around. What I couldn’t understand is why it felt good and why did I get certain sensations when they touched me in those places. Their actions caused me to become promiscuous and sexually active faster than I should have been. I was told on several occasions to keep it a secret so I thought that I couldn’t tell anyone. I had no one to help me sort out my feelings or to tell me that what was done to me was wrong. I realized later that they were probably displaying the same behaviors that had been thrusted upon them as a child and the cycle continued because their issues had not been addressed or resolved.

When my oldest daughter was in her early teens, she began to act out. After many spankings, being put on punishment and a visit from a social service worker, I decided to sit down and ask her some hard serious questions. What was revealed was heart breaking. My childhood flashed right before my eyes. She too had a male family member who touched her inappropriately. I wanted blood. I wanted revenge. I was on my way to that family member’s house with my baseball bat on the front seat of my car. I was going to knock all of his teeth out. But the grace of God stopped me and forced me to calm down. I had to take some deep breathes because just like those who touched me; I had to believe that he had endured the same. I waited a couple of days and I did confront him with my bat and I told him to acknowledge that he had hurt my child. He admitted to his wrong doing and apologized and then he broke down and cried. I’d never seen a man so hurt. I didn’t feel the need to expose him any further because I could see that he was in so much pain. I told him to get some therapy and I told him that he needed to confront whoever hurt him so he could release himself from the pain.

Pain can be all consuming and overwhelming if we do not locate the source. You are not wrong for wanting someone to get what they deserve because of their actions, but you are responsible for how you react to that hurt. We are not allowed to take revenge into our own hands. There has to be a level of accountability from the person or persons that have caused us hurt, but that opportunity for learning accountability can and will be missed when we avenge our aggressors.

I had a revenge affair. After 17 years of being cheated on and 3 of those times resulting in children being born outside of my marriage, I had decided that it was my turn to cheat. I wanted my ex to hurt like he had hurt me, but unlike him I was forthcoming and gave him the details. I wanted to see if he could handle being cheated on and it turns out that he couldn’t handle it at all. I guess my affair was too much for him to bear…imagine that. I took revenge into my own hands and although I felt like my ex deserved to be cheated on after all that he had done to me, I can’t say that it made me feel any better. As a matter of fact, it made me feel worse because all I did was put my character on his ratchet ass level.

It’s always better to take the high road when people hurt you because believe it or not they don’t get away with it. Karma says that what goes around comes back around and it usually comes back to humble you pretty fast. She is the mother of all things petty. She is always looking for an opportunity to get you back and that bitch never ever forgets.

Now the Bible on the other hand says that you reap what you sow. This means that you will harvest whatever it is that you have planted. The harvest can last for years and be passed down from generation to generation. For the people that have hurt you, the harvest may be too great for them to bear; so great that you’ll be the one that has to pray to God that He shows them leniency, grace and mercy.

Obviously sometimes not letting your anger push you to revenge is easier said than done. I am not saying that you must be perfect at all times. In fact, I don’t think we need to be perfect at all. What I implore you to do when you feel that need to exact revenge on the person or people that have hurt you is to drop to your knees and pray. Pray for them. Pray for you. Let God do the rest.