Resolutions and Prayers

At the beginning of the year, many of us are amped up with excitement for what the new year is going to bring. New goals, new visions, new ideas and another calendar year to make it happen. We are thrilled that the misfortunes of the current year are leaving and hopefully never to come back again! Maybe you had a great year and you’re looking foward to riding the wave of your continued success.  Whatever the case, most are glad that we are amongst the living and in a position to set some new plans in motion.

This time last year, began with a season of uncertainty for me. God’s covering, grace and mercy was all I had to make it through. I was on the verge of losing my mind and everything that I had worked to build for the last 22 years. My house was in foreclosure, my business was impeding eviction, I didn’t know whether or not my youngest daughter was going to be able to stay in college at FAMU and I was going through a catastrophic divorce. My then husband moved in with his mistress. Bills were knocking at my front and back door. I had more money going out than I had coming in and I downsized as much as I could without living like an Amish woman! Just know that every month was a tossup of dire necessities. I learned to live off turkey bacon, eggs, salsa, tortilla chips, water and Hennessy. Most days were a blur and I was on autopilot. I was mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted to say the least.

To be honest, there were a lot of days where I laid in a fetal position and just cried myself to sleep. I was angry and hurt. I was damn tired of being the bigger person. I wanted to pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust some windows out his car! Who was I mad at? Mostly mad at my myself because I felt like I had wasted so much of my time – it was like I was sitting at a slot machine for 22 years and it never paid off. How do I recover and why is God allowing me to hurt this way?   What did I do to deserve this kind of pain? I prayed and cried and cried and prayed… I tried to read everything that I thought could help make me better. I listened to pastors, online life coaches, inspirational speakers and I went to therapy. And I thank God for family and friends that constantly surrounded me with prayer, love and support.

Four years ago, Pastor Jenkins of the First Baptist Church of Glenarden declared 2014 to be the Year of Restoration. Everything that the enemy had stolen was surely going to be restored tenfold.  At that time, I thought my marriage was the best that it had ever been. My then husband and I were both making good six figure salaries. My salon was fully staffed; business was great and I had accepted a public school teaching position to help expand the business. We were making plans to send the last child off to college and pay for it out of pocket. Once our youngest left, we were going to rent out our house and purchase our dream home. The empty nesters’ train was rolling full steam ahead! We looked good together on social media and I had the pics to prove it. We traveled wherever we wanted, bought what we wanted and ate wherever we wanted.  LIFE WAS GOOD!  Who needs restoration? So, I prayed my generic prayers daily and I kept it moving. Shoot I don’t even think I knew how to pray until the bottom fell out. Then I had nothing, no one or nowhere else to go to, but on my knees – but we’ll get to that part soon.

The next year the storm of infidelity came roaring through my home and tore the roof off that mutha! It’s something when a strange woman calls you and tells you that she’s been having an affair with your husband for a year. It’s a whole other thing when she reveals details about you, your husband and your children that she should have NEVER had the privilege to know anything about! I felt violated and I was devastated. I felt unprotected as if I had been raped and robbed at gun point in my house in front of my children. I was a mess and I began to spiral out of control. Even getting out of bed was hard to do. My business suffered because I was hardly there. I resigned from my teaching position. The verbal fights between me and my ex were so intense that some nights my daughter didn’t want to be home.  There were many missed mortgage payments and sleepless nights and chaos became my new normal. I drank a fifth of Hennessy every night. My personal life and business life collided. I was literally on the verge of deciding which bridge I should drive off to stop the pain – maybe then I could finally get some sleep. I didn’t just need for Jesus to take the wheel, I needed Jesus to take the whole damn car!

My ex finally jumped ship on our 18th wedding anniversary. Well actually, I forced him off the plank with a big ass knife at his throat and gave him a hard fucking push!  Honey, I did a Bernie move, from the movie “Waiting To Exhale”, Get yo shit…Get yo shit and get out! Let’s just say, he wasn’t smarter than his smart phone – it told of his dirty little secrets. He left our home with all of his personal belongings, a leather sectional, a smart tv, a motorcycle, a truck and his arrogance. And I was left holding the bag of financial ruins. I had to decide if I wanted to sink with the ship, patch that sucker up or learn how to swim. The enemy was trying to destroy me and I needed some heavy artillery to fight my battles.

When 2017 began, I didn’t have any resolutions. I only had prayers.  While in the storm and praying, something wonderful began to happen. God starting changing me! My circumstances didn’t change right away, but my heart and my mind did. The tears of sorrow, heartbreak, resentment and pain became tears of joy because I could feel God’s presence around me. I began to feel an overwhelming sense that everything was gonna be alright. I didn’t know what or how, but I knew He was preparing me for something divine and I wanted to be ready. The only thing I was certain of is that I had to be TRANSPARENT. Remember when I was generically asking God for restoration in 2014? I believe that’s when God starting breaking me down, molding me, sifting me and using me for His will. We may not like His methods, but His delays are not our denials. God had to break up that soil to firmly replant and root me in Him!  I “War Room” prayed, danced, shouted and screamed out for God daily.

I asked God to cover my mind, my home, my business, my family and my friends. “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” James 5:16.

Within a 30 day period – my mortgage was modified after not being paid for 2 years, the lessor called and asked what could I afford to pay them each month to catch up on my lease and my daughter was excepted into the work study program at FAMU (this program has a 3 to 5 year waiting list). She was also awarded two financial aid grants to remain a student there. God showed up and showed out!  The doors swung wide open and all we had to do was TRUST GOD and walk through them.  Oh and my divorce was final in less than 6 months of its filing date.

RESTORATION is the action of returning something to a former owner, place or condition.  Glory….Glory…Glory!!!

There is so much more to tell, but I’m gonna leave this nugget right here. As you begin making your New Year Resolutions, do not forget to include God in ALL of your plans. He is a game changer and a way maker! He can and will do it far better than you have ever thought about doing it. That financial breakthrough, that marital issue, that job, your children, the loss of a loved one, that health condition…whatever it may be. Learn how to pray over yourself and your circumstances. Incorporate daily intentional prayer and meditation in your life. Expect God to do the impossible! May this year surpass your wildest dreams and may God bless you and yours abundantly.

“I may not be your morning Joe or cup of Tea, but I’ll always be someone’s shot of Hennessy”