Old School Ain’t Dead

Does anybody date anymore? No seriously, I mean what in the entire hell is really going on? I think the art of meeting someone, exchanging numbers and dating is lost. Single men/married men/men in relationships love to send me Facebook messages and slide through my Instagram DM’s with the infamous “Good morning beautiful.” Like who told these men that this saying is the universal standard greeting for meeting women? It doesn’t matter what race – I’ve gotten this greeting from them all.

Back when I last dated, over twenty-two years ago, we actually met people at social outings or through mutual friends. A friend would introduce you to his/her friend based on what they knew about you and if they thought you two would hit it off. This doesn’t happen so much today. With the surge of online dating and social media we actually think that we already know a person based on their social media presence. I’m really trying to keep an open mind about this new way of meeting people, but um yeah, it’s NOT really working for me.

If a guy sends me a message, I’ll check out his profile page to see if we have any mutual friends in common. If we don’t, that’s the end of that. If we do, we need at least ten friends in common for me to converse with you. I need to be able to ask somebody about you. If he’s married or in a relationship, I will check him on it real quick! Usually he’ll go away, but every now and again there is that one that is bold enough to respond with “So, we can’t be friends?” – BOY BYE!

If his page says he’s single? I’ll go through his pics searching for that infamous pic – the one with the ring on the wedding finger. If nothing turns up when searching his page, he gets to proceed with messaging. We’ll go back in forth with the formalities of discussing our friends in common, places we grew up, and schools we’ve attended. If that goes well, then we’ll exchange cell numbers to have some deeper conversations (hopefully).

The first question I always ask is “Who are you?” I do get real personal. Why are you single? Kids or no kids and how many? Any mental health issues? (YES, I ask that too!) Where do you live? Where do you work? Who can vouch for your character? If the guy cannot hold a decent phone conversation. I end it there and block his number. I am too grown for bullshit. I think these days people ask more questions about the things that they buy than the people that they meet. If the conversation is good, we’ll promise to talk again soon. Guess what usually happens the very next morning? The text… “Good morning beautiful!” Another one in the afternoon… “Hi pretty lady! Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.” Then in the evening… “GN gorgeous. I hope you sleep well”. Three texts and zero calls all in one day. This foolishness will go on for days if I let it. So, I’ll stop it at day 3 and text, “Hey! I don’t really do texting. I’d rather talk.” I mean what was the purpose of exchanging numbers? Otherwise we could’ve just continued messaging on social media.

Here’s what never happens… A FREAKING DATE! If I don’t mention it he sure as hell won’t. He is very content with texting. “So when can I see you pretty lady?” Um when you ask me out fool!

If plans are made, there’s no follow through. I’ve been stood up about 3 times already. Date day comes; No call, no text, no nothing. Is this shit even normal? Then the dreaded day after text comes in like, “Good morning pretty lady.” WTF dude, you stood me up. Who do you think you are or better yet who do you think I am? You are now officially BLOCKED clown!

Dating after divorce, and in my forties, has been a little challenging. I’ve signed up on two online dating sites only to delete my account within a week or two. I don’t like feeling like a slab of meat hanging in a meat market for picking. I’ve met a man or two at a mutual friends’ house only to find out that he is the one that tries to date all his boy’s wife’s single friends.

It feels like I’ve been thrusted into the hook up twilight zone. I’m convinced that the women with no standards and low expectations are preferred. I will not text you all day grown man. I work okay. I work! I’m not going to have sex with you sir… at least not until you make love to my big beautiful mind first. No, I’m not cooking for you on the first date. As a matter fact, don’t ask to come over to my house! I don’t know you like that. NO, you are not in love with me from our first conversation. Don’t ask me for a selfie or sexy pic. And what’s up with all them damn emojis? I do good with the smiling and laughing ones. Do you have any idea how long it takes me to find a knife and swirly hearts? Stop it! It’s sad and tacky.

I am old school. I like phone conversation. I like face to face interaction. I like progression. I like old fashion hand holding, hugging and kissing. I like it when doors are opened for me and chairs are pulled out for me. Let me walk on the inside of you so that I feel protected. Hold my coat when I put it on. Look at me and not your phone. Make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the room. Be intentional. Plan a date and take me there. We can meet at a museum just put some thought and effort into it. Then guess what… the next one’s on me. I’m coming to the realization that dating and chivalry is not dead, but the expectations of both are dead. I’m not buying into it. I won’t… I refuse to settle. You’ll have to take me kicking and screaming into the Netflix and chill zone.

“I may not be your morning Joe or cup of Tea, but I will always be someone’s shot of Hennessy”