Old School Ain’t Dead
Does anybody date anymore? No seriously, I mean what in the entire hell is really going on? I think the art of meeting someone, exchanging numbers and dating is lost. Single men/married men/men in relationships love to send me Facebook messages and slide through my Instagram DM’s with the infamous “Good morning beautiful.” Like who told these men that this saying is the universal standard greeting for meeting women? It doesn’t matter what race – I’ve gotten this greeting from them all.
Back when I last dated, over twenty-two years ago, we actually met people at social outings or through mutual friends. A friend would introduce you to his/her friend based on what they knew about you and if they thought you two would hit it off. This doesn’t happen so much today. With the surge of online dating and social media we actually think that we already know a person based on their social media presence. I’m really trying to keep an open mind about this new way of meeting people, but um yeah, it’s NOT really working for me.
If a guy sends me a message, I’ll check out his profile page to see if we have any mutual friends in common. If we don’t, that’s the end of that. If we do, we need at least ten friends in common for me to converse with you. I need to be able to ask somebody about you. If he’s married or in a relationship, I will check him on it real quick! Usually he’ll go away, but every now and again there is that one that is bold enough to respond with “So, we can’t be friends?” – BOY BYE!
If his page says he’s single? I’ll go through his pics searching for that infamous pic – the one with the ring on the wedding finger. If nothing turns up when searching his page, he gets to proceed with messaging. We’ll go back in forth with the formalities of discussing our friends in common, places we grew up, and schools we’ve attended. If that goes well, then we’ll exchange cell numbers to have some deeper conversations (hopefully).
The first question I always ask is “Who are you?” I do get real personal. Why are you single? Kids or no kids and how many? Any mental health issues? (YES, I ask that too!) Where do you live? Where do you work? Who can vouch for your character? If the guy cannot hold a decent phone conversation. I end it there and block his number. I am too grown for bullshit. I think these days people ask more questions about the things that they buy than the people that they meet. If the conversation is good, we’ll promise to talk again soon. Guess what usually happens the very next morning? The text… “Good morning beautiful!” Another one in the afternoon… “Hi pretty lady! Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.” Then in the evening… “GN gorgeous. I hope you sleep well”. Three texts and zero calls all in one day. This foolishness will go on for days if I let it. So, I’ll stop it at day 3 and text, “Hey! I don’t really do texting. I’d rather talk.” I mean what was the purpose of exchanging numbers? Otherwise we could’ve just continued messaging on social media.
Here’s what never happens… A FREAKING DATE! If I don’t mention it he sure as hell won’t. He is very content with texting. “So when can I see you pretty lady?” Um when you ask me out fool!
If plans are made, there’s no follow through. I’ve been stood up about 3 times already. Date day comes; No call, no text, no nothing. Is this shit even normal? Then the dreaded day after text comes in like, “Good morning pretty lady.” WTF dude, you stood me up. Who do you think you are or better yet who do you think I am? You are now officially BLOCKED clown!
Dating after divorce, and in my forties, has been a little challenging. I’ve signed up on two online dating sites only to delete my account within a week or two. I don’t like feeling like a slab of meat hanging in a meat market for picking. I’ve met a man or two at a mutual friends’ house only to find out that he is the one that tries to date all his boy’s wife’s single friends.
It feels like I’ve been thrusted into the hook up twilight zone. I’m convinced that the women with no standards and low expectations are preferred. I will not text you all day grown man. I work okay. I work! I’m not going to have sex with you sir… at least not until you make love to my big beautiful mind first. No, I’m not cooking for you on the first date. As a matter fact, don’t ask to come over to my house! I don’t know you like that. NO, you are not in love with me from our first conversation. Don’t ask me for a selfie or sexy pic. And what’s up with all them damn emojis? I do good with the smiling and laughing ones. Do you have any idea how long it takes me to find a knife and swirly hearts? Stop it! It’s sad and tacky.
I am old school. I like phone conversation. I like face to face interaction. I like progression. I like old fashion hand holding, hugging and kissing. I like it when doors are opened for me and chairs are pulled out for me. Let me walk on the inside of you so that I feel protected. Hold my coat when I put it on. Look at me and not your phone. Make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the room. Be intentional. Plan a date and take me there. We can meet at a museum just put some thought and effort into it. Then guess what… the next one’s on me. I’m coming to the realization that dating and chivalry is not dead, but the expectations of both are dead. I’m not buying into it. I won’t… I refuse to settle. You’ll have to take me kicking and screaming into the Netflix and chill zone.
“I may not be your morning Joe or cup of Tea, but I will always be someone’s shot of Hennessy”
Comments (10)
Sarita Evans
You just outlined the story of my life over the past five years in one blog!!! I am so over the so-called dating scene. And if he’s a man that too much into the social media thing I run as fast as I can now because most of them are just trolling social media looking for prospects. That’s why I’ve never tried the dating sites either because I think the men that are on those never really stop trying to meet women even after they get into a relationship so I don’t trust them. Sadly too so many women make it too easy for these guys out here so they don’t even have to put in the work and be gentlemen and really court a woman. It’s a sad state of affairs but I know God is the author of my life and I’m staying in faith for who He has for me and loving life through the process! Your topic really will hit home with a lot of single women and the men who relentlessly try to pursue them through child’s play via DM’s and texts. I enjoyed reading my story through your eyes and experience! Great job beautiful! I look forward to more!
admin
Thank you so much Sarita! I’m glad to know you can relate. The struggle is real in this here single life, but the peace of mind is better. Be sure to check out my “Resolutions and Prayers” post! Be blessed sis!
Lynette Pendleton
So proud of my sister and this blog. “Tell the truth, shame the devil” you have always been an inspiration my love. This blog will inspire all that reads it to be a better wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, and friend. We all go through it. You just don’t know the impact that you are making by being so honest, raw and transparent. I love you endlessly D!! Xo
admin
Hey Nette! Thank you so much. You words and friendship really means a lot to me. I’m just letting God use me. Love you more!
Marlene
Wow!!! D really thinkz outloud and this is so on point… This here was me a few years ago before my husband. I tried dating, but the dating scene was completely and still is controlled by social medias, and technology period. While I may not be that old, I know ol’ school raised me and I lovvveeedd how my grandfather treated my grandmother like the queen she was. When I was on the dating scene guys loved to text or hit you up online. Things like that became so impersonal but I allowed it at times. One thing I can definitely say now is that men will only do what you allow them to do. So once I realized my worth, my standards had changed tremendously. And this was a great thing. This allowed me to see people for who they really were. At one point I decided to fast from men to clear my mind, but more importantly set some goals and expectations of myself. Once i did this i remained focused and at that time i can say I was honestly not looking for love let alone a relationship. “BUT GOD” revealed to me and said now that I have your attention…. Meet Mr. Milanez. You know him quite well, he’s a great man, doesn’t want for anything but the opportunity to love you how you’re supposed be loved. And once i realized that I was no longer in control, and that god has always been the driver, its been nothing but abundant blessings and happiness in my life. So I say this to say… Chivalry is not dead, Great Men Still exist, But “He Who Finds A Wife… Finds A Great Thing”… So while dating has gone downhill, and can be impersonal at times, know that god is still shaping and molding the right King for you my sister… This post was such a blessing to see how women all women go through the same thing whether old or young. I’m so proud of you, keep doing what your heart tells and continue to be the blessing you’ve been to so many through your words of advice and wisdom.
Signed your #1 Fan & Supporter,
Baby Sis (Boo)
admin
Love love love you!!! Thank you sis! You and my brother in love are an inspiration to me. Thank you for supporting me. May God keep and bless us all!
Kendra
This is so spot on! And even though I haven’t found the real yet, I believe that these men (the men we are looking for) still exist and all of them aren’t married. But yes, men have gotten romantically lazy. Those that aren’t from the actual “Netflix & Chill” generation, have adapted their ways Because they see it actually works. This post is like a page out of my own thoughts. It’s sad that so many of us are experiencing this. I’m glad you spoke out this will encourage me to move forward with my thoughts on creating a space where the kind of interactions we’d like to have with the opposite sex can flow freely. I’m with you, girl! In spirit and truth.
admin
Hey Kendra, It’s so freeing to know that old school dating is wanted by the younger generation too! Yes, create you platform you don’t know who you will help. Thank you for reading and listening to my platform. Love you!
NWilliams
Who really comes up with these “Terms” Netflix and Chill..! No. Even though I’m not on the dating “scene” I do believe there a some true gentleman out there. I guess that’s the southerner in me. Ladies we have to know our worth and demand more. And when I say demand I mean let your expectations be known. And then he needs to show and prove or keep it moving. As that jam goes..:” It takes two to make a thang go right..it takes two to make it outta sight”. LOL… So proud of you Donita!
admin
Demand then show and prove…Love your comment Nikki! Thank you so much.