Handsome And Hung

A lot of good available men are overlooked because they don’t meet one or two standards that we women have created for them. Some of these standards can be superficial and when he doesn’t meet them we’ll kick him along with all of his other good qualities to the curb. All the while, the not so good man fails to meet many standards, but masters one. We’ll make excuses for his bad behavior just because he can put it down in the bedroom. A man that can please the pussy will make a smart woman throw her common sense to the wind.

Before I got married, I know that I passed up on some good hardworking honest men. They didn’t fit the image in my head of what I thought my mate was supposed to look like. There’s this one guy in particular that I occasionally kick myself in the head about. He used to look at me like he could put me on a plate and sop me up with a biscuit. I could call on him morning, noon or night and he would be there for me. I would cry on his shoulder about my problems and he would rub my head and listen. I knew he liked me… correction I knew he loved me, but I didn’t like the fact that he had a beat up car and couldn’t take me out to dinner. He was a struggling college student like me, but I wanted him to be able to wine and dine me. I overlooked him and today he’s a VP for a Fortune 500 Company, married to a beautiful woman with 3 kids. How do I know? We’re Facebook friends! The good hardworking trustworthy college dude didn’t stand a chance with me back then. I was into the bad boy types because they spent their street money frivolously on dinner and gifts. If I only knew then what I know now, I might be married to a VP.

The bad boy types are exciting at first. They appear to have it all together. They are confident. They can make decisions. They are spontaneous and command respect. They are very masculine and self assured. They seem powerful and mysterious. It’s all good until you fall in love with one and they actually live up to their bad boy image. My oldest daughter’s father was my first and only bad boy. What I thought was exciting turned out to be dysfunction. Ain’t nothing cute about loving a man that has a unique relationship with the prison system. What I thought was confidence quickly turned into arrogance and entitlement. Spontaneous became disappointment because we could never make solid plans. What I viewed as powerful became physically and emotionally abusive. After 7 chaotic years of dealing with a bad boy, I am not ashamed to say that I was relieved when he got an extended stay away.

It’s something about a tall, dark, handsome and hung man that makes me weak in the knees. The well dressed, well groomed, good smelling dude with mad sex appeal… you know the Stringer Bell type. This man has something to write home to momma about. I mean he puts it down so good that you want to buy him something. This dude may only meet two of your standards, but its okay because he rings the alarm at “the G spot”.

I’ve only met two in my lifetime. One I married and divorced; the other my Vjay is currently hiding in witness protection from. I cannot and will not travel that road again. These men that have mastered the art of pleasing the pussy are dangerous and they use it as a weapon to break all of your defenses down including your common sense. I’m not talking about the guy that puts it down and provides, protects and professes. I’m talking about the guy that doesn’t even meet your simple standards like job, car, house, etc. He may even have 5 or more kids… he uses what he got to get what he wants. Yep that guy! Get Out Now!!! Physical attributes, physical stimulation and superficial qualities can attract two people together, but it will never be enough to sustain the relationship. There has to be more to it than what meets the eye. A sustainable relationship must be mentally stimulating, have depth and intimacy.

When a woman reaches a certain age and level of maturity, she should create standard criteria that a man has to meet in order to weed out the bad ones. I think that we should expect a man to meet us where we are mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically. There are some things that should be non-negotiable, but not so specific that it causes us to miss out on the person that could be our soulmate. We have to have some sort of a middle ground. If a man is only bringing good D and swag to the table tell him to grow up and get on about his business with someone else. A man’s swag is his self confidence. Knowing what he wants and being able to verbally communicate it is more valuable than how he puts it down in the bedroom. The sex is a bonus piece of the pie.