F*ck It

Why do people get so up in arms when someone is angry? It’s as if anger is the one emotion that we’re not allowed to have. You can’t stop or prevent someone from being angry, it’s not a forbidden emotion and we damn sure don’t have to hide it. I have the right to be angry and frustrated especially if I’ve endured a trying time or huge loss.

It used to piss me off when people would tell me that I shouldn’t give my anger any energy and that I just needed to move on. They would say “just pray for him he’ll get his eventually.” Well some days I didn’t feel like praying for him. Most days I wanted to whip his ass or have somebody do it for me. I didn’t feel like waiting on karma. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. I was angry that he lied and cheated on me AGAIN! I was angry that I trusted him AGAIN! I was angry that my plans for the future were gone. I was angry that my family was dismantled. Though my friends and family meant well, I didn’t want to hear what they had to say about my anger. I was the one dealing with the pain of a broken marriage not them.

Being angry does not make you bitter. However, being stuck in anger WILL make you bitter. Some of us just need a moment or a couple of months to digest where the anger is coming from. Stop telling people to get over it. If I lose a loved one through death, go through a divorce, lose my job to no fault of my own, get a bad health diagnosis, etc., my initial reaction is not going to be joy and I’m not going to be thankful to God that I’m in the midst of it all. I may drop a few F bombs and/or feel like I need to lash out, and that’s perfectly okay because I AM HUMAN.

Why does it seem like anger is outlawed? Could it be that if the anger is validated then you would also have to acknowledge the pain that caused the anger in the first place? So, the real issue here is not the anger itself, but the pain that it derives from and the fact that someone, or a group of people, won’t admit that they have caused the pain. I get it… no one wants to be around an angry person, but I believe the angry person in the room is also the most misunderstood person in the room. I believe that if anger is acknowledged instead of acting like we don’t have the right to be angry or we’re too spiritual to be angry; there’s a good chance that it won’t turn into bitterness and resentment.

Sometimes anger is necessary to produce change. It was my anger that caused me to stop allowing my ex-husband to disrespect me. Fuck hurt, it was anger that made me file those divorce papers. I was fed up and needed to take action. Some of the greatest turning points in history would not have existed without anger. It was anger that fueled the Montgomery Alabama Bus Boycott not a tired woman who just didn’t feel like giving up her seat that day. God expressed anger in the Bible, it’s evident in the stories. He casted Adam and Eve out of the Garden, told Noah to build an Ark before he flooded the world, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, sent 10 plagues, etc. Truly we are not holier than thou.

Anger can be a catalyst for self-healing and spiritual growth. For me, anger allowed me to find the source of my pain and begin the healing process from within. And if I am completely honest with myself, my pain started long before my ex-husband came into my life. I realized that for all of those years I was suppressing that pain which allowed my anger to grow. I had to seek a licensed therapist to help me channel my thoughts and work on myself. I also had to learn how to forgive. Real forgiveness rids your mind, body and soul of anger. Love folks and forgive them even when it doesn’t feel good. I did, and I continue to do, whatever it takes to heal and find my peaceful place and I highly suggest everyone learns to do the same. Whether it’s writing, music, wine, laughter with close friends, or something else that you enjoy that keeps you at peace, I encourage you to do that. That’s for you not them.

Keeping anger locked up inside of you is a breeding ground for bitterness and resentment. It can also bring on unwanted ailments that can be detrimental to our mental and physical health. Trying to suppress anger can lead to low productivity, no accountability, fault finding, blaming and making excuses. All of these things will create a toxic environment where no one wants to be around you. Instead of avoiding anger, learn to work through it and use it to better yourself. You ARE worth more than that person or that thing that is bringing you pain. Sometimes you have to say FUCK IT and let it go!