Supporting Bad Behavior

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of witnessing a 39 year old Black man being sentenced to prison for sexually abusing his underaged stepdaughter. It was gut wrenching to hear the details and I cried as this young girl, her mother and the mother of her teenage boyfriend gave their impact statements. I was throughly disgusted and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest.

This man sexually abused his stepdaughter for 3 years in exchange for gifts and privileges. He would summon her by saying “You know what time it is” and she knew to give him oral and/or vaginal sex. He impregnated her and made her get an abortion. As a result of the sexual abuse, this young girl tried to commit suicide three times. She would frequently run away from home and would exchange sex with boys her own age just to have a place to stay.

This man’s family was also allowed to give impact statements on his behalf. He was a first responder and 14 year veteran firefighter. He was a deacon in his church and he was the only son to his parents and only brother to his sister. His lawyer gave the judge 15 letters from church members, family and friends that spoke of his character. I listened to his father as he gave great details about how his son was raised in a home with good christian values. His sister spoke of how loving he was to his nephews and how he taught them to play sports and supported them in every loving way that an uncle could. They were saddened that he was not able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family due to his incarceration.

The judge then asked the man if he wanted to say something and he replied, “No, your honor” and sat back down. The sentencing guidelines for this crime is 7-11 years in jail, but the judge could give out a harsher sentence based on the heinous acts of the perpetrator. The judge sentenced the man to 25 years in prison. He did not flinch, drop his head or cry, in fact sat there very stoic. His family gasped. The young girl’s family sighed with relief and the courtroom cleared.

Here’s what grinds my gears… that asshole never apologized and not one single person from his family was able to muster up enough decency to apologize for him either. That man did not have an ounce of remorse in his body! His family and friends failed him. The mere fact that he had a trial suggests that he was maintaining his innocence until proven guilty. He sexually abused a minor; a minor that he promised to raise and protect when he agreed to marry her mother. His DNA was found in his stepdaughter’s underwear. He was as guilty as the days are long yet he had no remorse. Why? It’s simple… because he did not believe nor did his family believe he had done anything wrong. Who in the hell has ever held this man accountable for his actions? Other than the judge, the prosecution team, the arresting officers… Who dares to tell this man that his behavior was deplorable, disgusting and downright wrong?

It’s very irresponsible to know that someone is intentionally causing harm to someone else or themselves and stand by and do nothing. I am here to tell you right now that not taking a stance IS taking a stance. Correction evokes learning and growth and it begins from birth. This stupid mentality of what goes on in my house stays in my house is killing people, breaking up families and keeping addictions rampant. Nothing heals when it is covered and as long as we support people in their wrong doing just because they are our family and friends, we are perpetuating the cycle of bad behavior. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why this young girl never felt safe enough to tell somebody about what was happening to her. The adults in her life failed her only to cover up the disgusting behavior of her stepfather. No one wanted to be exposed because exposure will pull back the covers on generational lies and secrets. But here’s the beauty of exposure… it will also bring forth a chance for true healing, break generational curses and hopefully provoke changed behavior.